Last Night
by Wolfgal63
Summary: Three years after they get together, Revan has to leave Carth Onasi. Light Female Revan and Carth Onasi


Warning: Major Spoilers for Knights of the Old Republic 1 and 2.

Three years have passed since we professed our love on an unnamed beach as we shared our first kiss. I can still see the mixture of fear for what the future might have brought and the elation at our declaration in your eyes right before our lips met. The scrape of your beard, the warmth of your arms, the quick intake of breath. Even after all this time, just the thought of kissing you is enough to cause my heart to race. Three years we have been together. Three years full of laughter, arguments, apologies, yelling, teasing, and love. And of course a lot of kissing.

Three years of paradise. A paradise that I will have to end.

I will have to get up out of our bed and walk out the door. I am under no illusions. If I leave then I won't be coming back. This is a one way mission. If I leave I will never hear your laugh again, never see your smile, never feel your hand in mine, never sit up late just to watch the stars with you whispering incorrigible things into my ear. If I leave then we will never… I cannot finish the thought. It is almost more than I can bear.

I squeeze my eyes shut. _There is no emotion there is peace._ I know why I have to leave. The dark forces in the visions will be here soon if I do not go. The armies will come and raze whatever lies in their path slaughtering countless innocent lives and corrupting the survivors to become as twisted as their conquerors. But I cannot move.

Why does it have to be us? Why can't someone else go and fight? We had already paid our debt to the universe with our blood, our youth, and our loved ones. Why do I have to leave you behind? _There is no ignorance there is knowledge_. Because the universe does not care about timing, because there is no one else, and because I cannot drag you with me into the darkness. It has to be me and I have to go alone. I have to leave.

I open my eyes to gaze at your face. The two rebellious strands of your brown hair lay across your right eye, as they often do. The rest of your hair is slightly ruffled from my fingers from our activities before you fell asleep. You kicked the blankets off about an hour ago so the faint light that comes through the window falls across you. I know that it may wake you but I cannot help but trace the faint scar right over your heart where you once saved my life. I breathe in, trying to memorize your smell, your face…you. _There is no passion there is serenity._

You stir and your left hand comes to hold mine as your brown eyes open halfway. "Hey, beautiful," you say, gently squeezing my hand.

"Hi," I whisper back as I bring our hands up to my lips. I gently brush my lips against your knuckles, but my eyes are locked on you. Only now do I notice how many lines have been etched into your face from your hard life. I can't help but wonder how many of those were caused by me, how many by Morgana, and how many more will crease your face after tonight.

"Is something wrong?" you ask as you blink your eyes. I turn my head into my arm and try to rub the moisture from my eyes.

"No, why do you ask?"

You smile, turning on your side to face me. "Because you usually tease me when I call you beautiful."

"I love it when you say call me that. I love you, Carth."

Your smile slowly fades. "You had another nightmare." It is not a question. I do not have the courage to tell you that the visions come every time I close my eyes now.

"No," I lie, pasting a smile on my face. "I couldn't sleep because of your snoring. Did you know that you sound like a nerf in labor?"

You let go of my hand to place your palm against my cheek. "I promised that I would protect you no matter what. I cannot protect you if you lie to me." The shadows deepen in the lines on your face until it looks like your face has been etched from stone and will bear the marks of your pain forever. I turn my head and kiss the callused hands of the only man I ever loved.

"I know." What I cannot say is that it is I who cannot protect you.

You sigh and roll back onto your back. "But you will not tell me what is wrong?" The frustration is clear in your tone. You have always been a stubborn man. I have often admired that about you, but this time it is a fault. For it will make our last memories of each other full of harsh words and hurt feelings. This is too cruel. I cannot have this be our farewell. The room is beginning to blur as I begin to roll out of bed. I can't-

Your hand envelopes my wrist, bringing me to a halt. "Where do you think you are going?" I cannot help but flinch at the anger in your voice. Anger at my lies, at my secrecy, at me. How much anger will be in your voice when you realize that I have left? How much pain?

"The bathroom." The words are flat as I try to keep my voice steady.

"Look at me," you whisper gently. I shake my head as something rolls down the curve of my cheek. "Please." Hopelessly compelled by the request, I turn back to face you. You are sitting up in our bed staring at me with your beautiful brown eyes. Your hand comes up and traces the path left by my emotions.

"Carth…" my voice breaks. "I can't-" tell you the truth. I can't take you with me.

You ignore my words and draw me into an embrace. You do not say anything as I gingerly return your hug. No false words of comfort; no grand gestures. Just the steady cadence of your heart beat and gentle rise and fall of your breathing as your warmth permeates through me. Then you say five simple words that make all the pain melt away.

"I will always love you." I cannot stop the tears now as I tighten my grip on you.

I cry for the past that holds such pain and rage; I cry for the present joys and sorrows; I cry for the lost future hopes and dreams. I cry for us. _There is no chaos there is harmony._

After a while there are no tears left, but you continue to hold onto me as thoughts of the nightmare the morning will bring cascade through me. It is like you somehow sense that I may fall apart if you let go. Which is true. I nearly falter time and time again but your love holds me steady. You have always held me true to course even though some of my darkest hours. Perhaps I can do the same for you.

"Carth, I need you to promise me something." You wait patiently as I think of how to form the request. We never talk about the future. It is an unspoken agreement that Morgana and my past life have encouraged us to make. But I need to know that you will continue on, even if it is only a part of you. "I need you to live your life…even if I am no longer here." Your fingers twitch against my skin and your arms tighten around me protectively.

"Are you-" even those two words are enough to cause my chest to tighten. I tilt my head back and kiss away what you are about to ask. Your lips move almost as desperately as mine as we try to condense a lifetime of love and memories into one moment.

When we finally have to part for air, I brush back those two strands of hair. "Do you promise?" I whisper.

"Promise what?" you ask with a small whimsical smile on your face. You are avoiding the issue. We both are.

"Carth."

"I promise," you whisper, bringing your head back down so that our lips met so hard and fast that it feels like for a moment there is only now. If tomorrow has to be a nightmare then we will deal with that tomorrow. For now we have the present. We have each other. So, tonight can be our dream. One last dream. _There is no death_…

A/N: Thanks for reading. If you feel so inclined please leave a review.

P.S. I felt like it was appropriate to post this on February 15 (I was tempted to try to have it done on the 14th but c'est la vie).


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